Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...
Day 983 of my captivity...
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.
Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.......for now ...
Thanks for stopping by!
Oh Sue, I enjoyed reading your pet diaries. So well written and fun! I had such a laugh over the "allergies" entry! We are all snowed in here and visiting neighbors with animals is pretty hilarious! LOVE THIS!
ReplyDeleteLOL!! LOVE the cat diary!! your cat seems to be pretty smart! =) love love love this post!!
ReplyDeleteI am crying cuz I am laughing so much!!! I have a cat and dog and I am sure my cat wrote that diary!!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for making me laugh with this post!!
Hilarious!! I have never had a cat for exactly that attitude!! Thanks for the giggles, Sue!
ReplyDeleteYour sister's ability to "channel" her pets is incredible. You must tell her how much your blog followers loved her commentary.
ReplyDeleteI presently live with a black lab and a cockatiel. No cat, since I love the birdie too much to torture him with a cat companion. I channel cats enough to know that cat would see bird as food storage on the hoof!!! I think my lab's diary might read a little differently. Dry doggie kibble is NOT his favorite thing -- though Costco dog bones WOULD fit the bill!!! And while he loves going for a walk, getting the Gentle Leader on is his LEAST favorite thing.
Thanks for a great giggle!!!
LOL! This was too funny. Having owned both cat's and dogs... I can really appreciate this!
ReplyDeleteADORABLE pets Susan. thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteLOL absolutely brilliant!! Our dog Toby would probably agree totally with the diary - he seems to love everything. We've never had a cat but from what I've heard the cat's diary could be so true!I'm still laughing - thanks Sue!
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