Friday, February 12, 2010

Dog Diary/Cat Diary

This has nothing to do with crafting but my sister sent me this and I thought it was hilarious so I'm sharing it with you. Any pet lover with totally love this!

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......




 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk Bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

 
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 


Day 983 of my captivity...


My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.......for now ...


Thanks for stopping by!

8 comments:

  1. Oh Sue, I enjoyed reading your pet diaries. So well written and fun! I had such a laugh over the "allergies" entry! We are all snowed in here and visiting neighbors with animals is pretty hilarious! LOVE THIS!

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  2. LOL!! LOVE the cat diary!! your cat seems to be pretty smart! =) love love love this post!!

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  3. I am crying cuz I am laughing so much!!! I have a cat and dog and I am sure my cat wrote that diary!!!!
    Thanks for making me laugh with this post!!

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  4. Hilarious!! I have never had a cat for exactly that attitude!! Thanks for the giggles, Sue!

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  5. Your sister's ability to "channel" her pets is incredible. You must tell her how much your blog followers loved her commentary.

    I presently live with a black lab and a cockatiel. No cat, since I love the birdie too much to torture him with a cat companion. I channel cats enough to know that cat would see bird as food storage on the hoof!!! I think my lab's diary might read a little differently. Dry doggie kibble is NOT his favorite thing -- though Costco dog bones WOULD fit the bill!!! And while he loves going for a walk, getting the Gentle Leader on is his LEAST favorite thing.

    Thanks for a great giggle!!!

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  6. LOL! This was too funny. Having owned both cat's and dogs... I can really appreciate this!

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  7. ADORABLE pets Susan. thanks for sharing!

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  8. LOL absolutely brilliant!! Our dog Toby would probably agree totally with the diary - he seems to love everything. We've never had a cat but from what I've heard the cat's diary could be so true!I'm still laughing - thanks Sue!

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All comments are very much appreciated!